remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My vagina is officially offended.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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