The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
