This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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