he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
