I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
