You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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