Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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