PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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