just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
