I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize