Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
