I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
