So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
