There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
