My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
