so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
