She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
