New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we're making bets on your personal life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
