LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
