okay pat passed out under dana's car
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
