hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
