he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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