I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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