I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize