Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
