Can Purell be used as lube?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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