We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
