I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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