I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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