..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
