i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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