I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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