i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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