Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize