When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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