Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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