Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
