you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
