I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
