She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
