You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
