Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
