I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
