he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
