I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
