So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
