I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
