maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
