Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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