Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
