Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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