If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
