Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ladies don't puke and tell
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
