I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
