He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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