when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
