HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
