i think i have herpe
just one?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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