So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
