i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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