did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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