here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
pray to the hookup gods
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
