OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
