walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
