So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
