So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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