you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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