He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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