i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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