And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
