The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The air taste purple.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
